Anybody who's hung out with me a time or two in social gatherings will not be shocked to hear that I have never been good at intuiting proper behavior. And that's regardless of the setting—formal, informal, professional, whatever. I think that may be because I was raised by wolves, but it may also be due to my physiology, to some neurological divergence.
All that is to say that, though I have a very tender heart and never want to offend people (well, except authority figures, unfortunately), I have quite often done so. Three examples:
When Elesha was working on her M.A. in English at TSU, a historically Black university, she told me that one of the White students was wearing a t-shirt with the phrase "black by popular demand" printed on it. Elesha was appalled and told me that their teacher (an Italian scholar) had rhetorically asked the guy, "don't you know how insulting that is?!" I did not know that and my intuitions still don't tell me that's insulting.
When *The Passion of the Christ* came out, I was very reluctant to see it, in part because of reviews and in particular the charge that it carried a strongly antisemitic message. Well, I finally did see the film (on the last night it was screened at any theater in L.A.) and watched for signals of antisemitism, among other things. I didn't see any and tentatively concluded that, regardless of the film's many faults, it was not antisemitic. Well, that semester I had a Messianic Jew in one of my classes and he and I talked about the film after class one day. He was angrily emphatic that the film was blatantly antisemitic. Being slow to admit what I do not see, I thought he was probably overreacting. Then about the same time another student of mine, in the graduate program in ministry, an Arab Christian, announced in class that the portrayal in *The Passion of the Christ* of Jews was exactly right, that Jews are just like that! My intuitions still do not register the antisemitism of that film.
Last night was Taco Tuesday Movie Night at our house. We watched *Michael Clayton*, one of my favorite films. Afterwards we were talking about the film and for some reason we got off on whether the phrase "you guys" is a gender exclusive term. Of course, I have long rejected the pseudo-generic use of "man" or male pronouns, but "you guys" seems to me to have long ago lost its gender specificity. Both of our daughters were in the discussion. Heather argued that it is not problematic from a feminist point of view, but that it is from a transgender one. Since our daughter Stephanie is transgender, I later asked her, when the crowd had dispersed, what she thought. She said that she strongly agreed with Heather. She articulated an argument that I did not find compelling. However, what I did find compelling is that when she hears the phrase used as if it were not gender specific, it hurts her, she feels pain. My intuitions still do not recognize "you guys" as offensive.
My point here is that intuitions are not always to be heeded. When my heart doesn't condemn me, that doesn't mean that I have no work to do. The task is to listen especially to those who are perpetually pushed to the margins as a dominant and domineering culture keeps pushing ahead. I can be a really nice human being, tender hearted, compassionate, and all that, and still not have insights into the harm that I am doing. My task is to learn and adjust. That I think is part of what it means to be forgiven and to forgive, as the gospel calls us to.